We need to talk about the Royals

Stop! Enough already! Even though I avoid mainstream media and I have not clicked on a single link, I am already at saturation point about the Royal Tour. When do they leave, it must be soon right?

I cannot stand this fawning.

Let’s have a think about what the Royal Family are, and what they represent.

They are a single family who have the ‘right’ to rule over every citizen, in every country in the Commonwealth for no other reason than they are related to the last people who did it. There is nothing intrinsically special about them, they don’t have extra DNA that makes them super-human and empowered to rule. But they won the ultimate sperm/egg lottery and so have dominion over a good chunk of the planet.

And how did their ancestors get to rule over all these countries? Basically they spent hundreds of years sending ships around the world finding places that had stuff they wanted and moving in by fair means or foul. Mostly foul. Take Australia, for example. Rock up in 1770, plant a flag, send a note home to say “Found this great spot, absolutely no people here at all so I’ve claimed for you, kisses, James”* Then, having committed figurative genocide, proceeding to attempt actual genocide on the race that had occupied the land for oh about 10 x longer than creationists think the earth has existed. They went around inter-marrying to gain power, enslaving people and wiping out indigenous populations…all very GoT.

They like to make out that God has made them ruler because they are innately able to do so, that their blood is special. We know that this is untrue. Of course, much of the looting and plundering was done in God’s name over the years, as it sounds so much better than “We want all the stuff”.

So this guy William is actually the inheritor of a succession of greedy, plundering elite who have been robbing the people of several nations for the personal gain for centuries. That how they have all those nice houses and jewels. And you, the Australian taxpayer, is paying $2 million for these incredibly wealthy people to jet around and say with their presence “Aren’t we so much more marvellous than you”.

Why do you lap it up?

But his role is now to be Prince Charming, the embodiment of every little girl’s fantasy since Disney cranked up his dream factory, in a fairytale for the masses.

And Kate. That’s the real magic of this little fairytale. The Commoner.Included in the narrative to let you know It Could Happen To You. Yes, we are blessed and much more special than you so we are entitled to rule over you but sometimes, if you are especially good, we let one of you in. Cinderella can come to the party! Dangling her like a carrot.

So here they are this dull but attractive posh white couple, wowing everyone with their ability to be polite and even charming. Kate is particularly remarked on for her ability to wear a succession of blandly similar nice-girl frocks and still generate inches of fashion coverage. And the mantra that runs through it all is “Oh, isn’t it amazing, they are just like us”. Well, yes, royals ARE just like us. Just ordinary flesh and bone humans who fart and fuck and die. They are only special in the sense that they’ve had a very particular education designed to make them behave as if they have a right to rule over people. And they have pretty much infinite resources to make them be pretty good humans, so that’s the minimum we should expect of them.

Royalty are pretty much the ultimate propaganda against equality. They have been telling us for centuries that they have a right to rule over us. There is no such right, except that which they took by force. They symbolise the idea that some humans are intrinsically better than others. That is simply not true. Biologically, they are entirely indistinguishable from every other human on the planet.

The only advantages they have over us are material, and they have that advantage because for centuries their families have controlled the flow of resources and they have ensured that the people do not get a fair share.

The global economy is dominated by oligarchs, the modern incarnation of a greedy elite that travel the world doing whatever is necessary to gain resources for their own profit. In this world, the Royal Family symbolise the RIGHTNESS of this. They send the message that some people just ARE better than others and you, serfs, should be grateful for the crumbs. Any wonder that it is wall-to-wall in the media that is owned and controlled by said oligarchs. Turn the page then, and read about the scroungers, the bludgers who had the temerity to be born into loser families (without money) and how you should hate them. And turn the page again and read about those queue jumpers those people who were unlucky enough to be born in a war zone and how you should hate them. And see the pattern: some people just are better than others and its OK to treat some people like shit and some like their shit don’t stink.

All people are born equal. About from some normal in-species variation, we are all the same. None of us is intrinsically inferior or superior to the others. Not because of our religion, not because of our skin colour and certainly not because we were born into a particular family. Education, health care, good nutrition, safety: these are things that allow a human to reach their full potential. And a small elite has been hoarding the resources for their own gain and holding humanity back in the process. The acceleration of human knowledge coincided with the spread of mass education. The reduction in inequality post WW2 had massive social benefits – advances in living standards that are now under threat.

We need to collectively get our heads around this fact. These people are not better than us and are not deserving of our adulation unless they do something remarkable. We don’t have to accept a position as their inferior. We can turn away from the propaganda.

*I paraphrase: Governor Richard Bourke declared Terra Nullius in 1835

8 thoughts on “We need to talk about the Royals

  1. The media have a huge role to play in this – they’d rationalise that it’s what the public want but this cycle has to stop somewhere. If they stop feeding us ‘junk’ we’re likely to stop craving it. I do wish they’d set the mark high so we all had to reach up to it instead of lowering it so that we stay down grovelling in the grot. Then an informed discourse on whether austerity measures were genuinely economically sound would be commonplace and we’d have no stomach for the meanderings of people who genuinely mean nothing to our lives.
    But … do people really think that the Royals are better than us or are they just gawking in the way they do for the Kardashians and ‘Modern Family Down Under’? I can’t believe it’s adulation – surely it’s just media-cultivated curiosity.
    I actually feel a bit sorry for people like William – it would take a unique individual to rail against the institution he’s had no choice in being part of. (Kate … well, I cannot relate to her on any level. Why on earth would you choose to live that life?! That is no fairytale as far as I’m concerned.)


    1. Yes on Twitter a journalist I respect basically said you have to cover it because they are interested.

      I mean we’re interested in famous people generally but this makes Kate and Will no more special than pointless celebrities like the Karashians and Paris Hilton or are just famous for being part of the greedy elite and spending conspicuously. It isn’t NEWS it’s fodder for gossip magazines.

      And why isn’t there a single inch questioning why we still allow them to rule?


      1. I suppose it, unfortunately, ranks as “News” because that family STILL take the place of Head of State of our country. And, as you indicated so articulately in your ‘Rant’, the origins of that are insidious and the current relevance is non-existent.
        So … it’s time, Sirs and Dames, to shrug off the trappings of an archaic rule, make reparations for the past and move unfettered into a future focussed on contemporary Australians (if they come here for a better life and not just to pat marsupials and leave, I’d rather we gave THEM our attention!)


  2. “…who fart and fuck and die” like us….you never disappoint me with your eloquent comments on life, society and unfairness we meant to live through. I too have consciously decided not to watch, read or click on any of the Royal Tour reports but it’s a difficult challenge not to hear some of it. The media wants us to believe ‘everyone’ is interested and just fills every minute with them. And what astonishes me most is that Kate is talked about like a walking Model/Actor on a red carpet quoting what designer dress she’s wearing and if she has worn it before…just to make sure she is someone who wears a dress twice and ‘recycles’ and that makes her some how common. Right?! I wondered on their day ‘off’ are they staying in their pyjamas/track pants bare feet slouching on the couch watching Downton Abbey? Are they bitching and moaning about all the boring people they had to be nice too even if they couldn’t bear hearing another story about the biggest pumpkin in the country? Now that’s the stuff I would be interested to hear about 🙂


    1. I could go on about how much it irritates me that Kate is the most passive, bland, sexless version of women hood since Stepford. Achieving glossy hair and neat clothes as the epitome of womanhood (and breeding heirs, naturally).


  3. Fart and fuck and die … priceless. You’re right, they are celebrity and they, like all those shallow glossy Ken and Barbis, will eventually fade away, at least I hope they do.


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